you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
