I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
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I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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When are your genitals available?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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