apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
