TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
