and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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