Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
