my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
