There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
