I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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