Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
