Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
