I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
