Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
