You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
