WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
