Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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