I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
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I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
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When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.