You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
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so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
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Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.