We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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