I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
