i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
