I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼‍♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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