My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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