Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
