i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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