My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
