Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
