so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
