Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
