Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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