I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
