Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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