he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
