I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Randomize
