when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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