Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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