Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
