You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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