She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
