Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Drake has all the answers
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
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