Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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