I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
