I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
