So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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