I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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