I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
