I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
