dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
