it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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