Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
