Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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