Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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