I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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