i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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