every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
