Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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