and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it's great music for shaving your balls
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
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