Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
