After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
your like the ambassador to my penis.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
