Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
