so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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