Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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